Being happy is not an end result. It's not a place you get by doing other things. Happiness is a conscious effort.
Everyone is going to have their bad days and they are going to effect us differently. Sometimes we need to vent or blow off steam to deal with our feelings. But the sky is falling mentality is just that, a chosen state of mind. If we continually think that we are living out Murphy's law then we are perpetuating the cycle. The best favor we can do ourselves when things get rough is to be grateful for what we still have left. Choosing to be happy isn't easy, but it sure beats living in a fog of misery.
What do we get out of being unhappy? Does it satisfy? Fulfill? Help? Comfort? Anything? Most likely not, and if it does accomplish any of these things then they are usually temporary. Why do we sacrifice feeling good to feel sorry for ourselves? That question is answered differently for each of us.
I think the worst thing we can do is find company for our misery. If you take a look around you and all you see are people unhappy with their lives it's time to make some changes. This leaves you two options. 1.) talk to the people around you and find out why they are so unhappy. Discuss how you can help them and in turn ask for help for yourself. 2.) if these people are unwilling to make changes and choose to fix their situations then maybe it's time for you to find some new friends.
You can't make other people be happy, you cannot force others to enjoy life, look at the bright side or just let things go anymore that you can make them eat food they hate. You can however, choose to be happy yourself and hope they will see your improved state of mind and follow suit.
No matter how many bad days, shitty jobs, miserable bosses, crappy life circumstances or whatever else you can choose to let it effect your whole life or take it for what is really is - a test. How are you going to score?
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.
Bill Cosby said it but I'm going to try to live it. There are plenty of things in life to truly be scared of, but failure is not one of them. When I look back at my life so far one thing holds true, every time I've failed it's brought me to something better.
So if that is the equation for my life then that means if I fail at EDJ then something even better will come out of it all. I need to make a decision, put my head down and just do it. The worst case scenario is one of two things. Either I succeed and become a successful FA or I fail and on to the next thing like I have done thousands of times before.
If I believe in my ability to talk to people, explain the situation and help them come to a responsible decision I am putting faith in myself to do well. There will be training, mentors and more support than most people get in my position. I have help and advantages.
I can worry all daylong about what people might think about a Jones kid getting perks but my father has worked extremely hard to get where he is and if that means he gets to help me then so be it. Plenty of people get jobs because of who they know what is the difference between that and this? Nothing except my own preconceived notions about what it will make people think of me. I will be given something to start with but it's up to me to turn that into a success.
You can give anyone a head start but if they don't want to work to build it there is nothing to be done. Let it go Finchum, let it go. No one can say you haven't worked hard or made sacrifices. Maybe all those times have all lead to this.
Not everyone is going to be one your side. People will be jealous, mean, vindictive and catty. All you can do is weed them out and find the genuine people to stand with you,
You will make mistakes, everyone does. Be sure to learn from them and move one. If you dwell on them it will break you.
Ask for help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. But be sure it's a situation where you truly need help and aren't just being lazy.
Be genuine. People can feel it when you are fake. Don't fall into that keeping up with the Jones's. be true to you no matter how well or poorly you do in your career. Don't let money corrupt your beliefs or ethics. That's what made SF so difficult, I knew it was wrong.
Listen to what they have to say, have a conversation with Dad and B and then make a choice.
So if that is the equation for my life then that means if I fail at EDJ then something even better will come out of it all. I need to make a decision, put my head down and just do it. The worst case scenario is one of two things. Either I succeed and become a successful FA or I fail and on to the next thing like I have done thousands of times before.
If I believe in my ability to talk to people, explain the situation and help them come to a responsible decision I am putting faith in myself to do well. There will be training, mentors and more support than most people get in my position. I have help and advantages.
I can worry all daylong about what people might think about a Jones kid getting perks but my father has worked extremely hard to get where he is and if that means he gets to help me then so be it. Plenty of people get jobs because of who they know what is the difference between that and this? Nothing except my own preconceived notions about what it will make people think of me. I will be given something to start with but it's up to me to turn that into a success.
You can give anyone a head start but if they don't want to work to build it there is nothing to be done. Let it go Finchum, let it go. No one can say you haven't worked hard or made sacrifices. Maybe all those times have all lead to this.
Not everyone is going to be one your side. People will be jealous, mean, vindictive and catty. All you can do is weed them out and find the genuine people to stand with you,
You will make mistakes, everyone does. Be sure to learn from them and move one. If you dwell on them it will break you.
Ask for help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. But be sure it's a situation where you truly need help and aren't just being lazy.
Be genuine. People can feel it when you are fake. Don't fall into that keeping up with the Jones's. be true to you no matter how well or poorly you do in your career. Don't let money corrupt your beliefs or ethics. That's what made SF so difficult, I knew it was wrong.
Listen to what they have to say, have a conversation with Dad and B and then make a choice.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Growning up
When you are a kid things look easy. You trot through life looking at all the "crazy adults" around you and think that you'll never be that way when you grow up. What you fail to realize is that the reason they all seem crazy is because there are so many things being pushed on them.
Specifically, family.
Don't get me wrong, family is wonderful. I love mine. But I also understand why most people binge drink around the holidays.
Recently some things transpired in our family that were unpleasant. My mother and I had a few chats about the situation to sort it out for the two of us, I said zilch to my grandparents because they prefer to live in the lets sweep it under the rug dept. and I vented to a friend that I knew wouldn't judge me for it. Then, the strangest thing happened. I called my aunt, a bystander in the drama like myself, to get her take on things and we really agreed about a lot. A surprise to say the least.
That's when it hit me. All the crazy adults in the world are that way because some one made them like that. I've decided there are a few categories:
1. Mad hatters - this variety is actually the certifiable. People that have a valid case for institutionalization and the need for extensive therapy.
2. Pawns- people who look crazy to outsiders because they are being used, thrown under the bus, tormented, shamed, etc. by a third party.
3. Judas'- these are the scary ones! These people create pawns. This can be done unwittingly but the ones who do so intentionally are a mess.
4. Hot messes- people who think they are crazy but are actually quite normal. Whatever normal is.
5. Judy's- my least favorite, because they are the most disingenuous of them all. These judgmental whack jobs sit up on their glass high horses making commentary on others when their closets have more than a few skeletons.
I think the point I'm trying to make is that when you look at your family it's easy to see a someone as crazy, but do you ever ask what kind of crazy? Are they acting that way of their own volition or is someone or something forcing them to appear as an unhinged nut?
As an adult you have to take responsibility for your own actions but sometime, and this is rare, you just can't reign it all in. Before you Judy someone be sure they are the root of the problem.
Specifically, family.
Don't get me wrong, family is wonderful. I love mine. But I also understand why most people binge drink around the holidays.
Recently some things transpired in our family that were unpleasant. My mother and I had a few chats about the situation to sort it out for the two of us, I said zilch to my grandparents because they prefer to live in the lets sweep it under the rug dept. and I vented to a friend that I knew wouldn't judge me for it. Then, the strangest thing happened. I called my aunt, a bystander in the drama like myself, to get her take on things and we really agreed about a lot. A surprise to say the least.
That's when it hit me. All the crazy adults in the world are that way because some one made them like that. I've decided there are a few categories:
1. Mad hatters - this variety is actually the certifiable. People that have a valid case for institutionalization and the need for extensive therapy.
2. Pawns- people who look crazy to outsiders because they are being used, thrown under the bus, tormented, shamed, etc. by a third party.
3. Judas'- these are the scary ones! These people create pawns. This can be done unwittingly but the ones who do so intentionally are a mess.
4. Hot messes- people who think they are crazy but are actually quite normal. Whatever normal is.
5. Judy's- my least favorite, because they are the most disingenuous of them all. These judgmental whack jobs sit up on their glass high horses making commentary on others when their closets have more than a few skeletons.
I think the point I'm trying to make is that when you look at your family it's easy to see a someone as crazy, but do you ever ask what kind of crazy? Are they acting that way of their own volition or is someone or something forcing them to appear as an unhinged nut?
As an adult you have to take responsibility for your own actions but sometime, and this is rare, you just can't reign it all in. Before you Judy someone be sure they are the root of the problem.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Missing piece
There are few things more humbling in life than being unemployed. I am fortunate enough to have a boyfriend who has been with me through thick and thin. Through two jobs and no job. We have been able to rely on one another without breeding any resentment.
My dad keeps telling me to just enjoy this "time off" and do some things I wouldn't be able to do if I was working. As lovely as that all sounds I can't just turn off. I look at time off as vacation, as a reward for hard work not as an alternative to working.
I have an odd need to work. I can feel myself tensing up more by the day. I've had a few interviews, one offer and plenty of rejections. It's only a matter of time before I freak out and take some bullshit part time gig selling yogurt or the ole standby slinging cocktails. I cannot just sit back and rely on Billy to pay the bills.
Maybe this is the push I needed to finally make a decision about Jones. Part of me thinks I keep using it as a backup or a safety net, but maybe I keep going back to it because its really something I want to do. I guess the worst case scenario is that I go for it and if I fail, so be it. I could always just go back to doing what I've been doing... Drifting...
Until then I better find a way to be an excellent housewife, show my hardworking boyfriend some serious appreciation for bring home the bacon and learn to iron.
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